Denali Dave

My Status: Now living in Anchorage...

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Location: Anchorage, Alaska, United States

May you always walk with Angels! I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...

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Monday, November 04, 2013

Well folks...I'm now down to a couple of weeks at the most. Bed ridden...can you imagine? I love you all. Kristin...You are still the light of my life and I love you so much. You think I'm a pig...that's okay cause I understand. Still, I did give you life. Not to worry girl, I understand all, and all is okay. Damn, I love you. If there is a God and a life after this one...I'll surely watch over you and will be your guardian angel. They're sending my body for burial in Blackwell, OK. .

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Kristin...the light of my life

Well, folks...I'm now dragging around a plastic hose 24/7 so I can breath with only one lung. It's a war thing...as they say one of the sacrifices us "wounded warriors" have...from fighting for those that couldn't, can't fight for themselves. Actually, I kind of dislike saying it...but I don't remember thinking about saving those in the good old USA. I did care and try for those in the foreign countries I fought in... Still, the plastic hose and oxygen keeps me alive I reckon...not sure that's a good thing, though. Clearly, I'm depressed and frustrated. I'm a people person and haven't been out of the house (except for the hospital) in more than a year. So, what to do? I don't write this stuff for anyone other than myself. Kristin (my lovely little girl) once said..."why don't you admit to being the pig you are...?" I was, and still am really disappointed in her. She hasn't known me since she was 4 years old...so, how does she know "I'm a pig." I have to admit...that one hurt a bit...but I do understand how she came to that. So, how do I fix this...? What kind of a woman or man would do this to my daughter...? Surely they will burn in hell...if there is a hell. And, I have no one left to tell Kristin when I die what I was really like...or for her to get the hell out of that religious cult she was raised to believe in.... Can you imagine? I should be tougher than this, shouldn't I? I have a proven background, track record, of never giving up, of being especially tough, of completing anything I started...I've gone through some of the toughest training our country has... So, why am I being such a wussy now? It's making me nuts...

Thursday, January 10, 2013

David's oral statement to the court....

Don't know if this will help anyone or not...but, the misunderstandings are what cost me my children. In any case, it's what happened to me and this was my statement to the court... I tried, but still don't know if I did right... I'm not feeling real well so for now this is the best I can do... Happy new year everyone... David’s ORAL STATEMENT TO THE COURT: MAY 24, 1993 A family decides to go camping in a valley surrounded by mountains. The man's wife takes one of her best friends who happens to have a master's degree in psychology. When they arrive at the spot where they plan to camp, the husband builds a fire, then he heads off to a nearby stream to catch fish for their dinner while the rest finish setting up camp. A while later he returns and, to his distress, finds his wife, her friend, and the children feeding hunks of bread to a bear. Even worse, he realizes his wife is down to the last piece of bread. And he knows the bear won't understand when all the bread is gone. Just as he also knows that bears, by their very nature, are unpredictable and dangerous. Seeing no other course of action, the husband runs to the fire, reaches into the burning blaze, grabs a red hot, flaming log, and runs hollering and swinging the blazing log after the bear. To all the world it appears the man fully intends to take on a 500 pound bear with only his bare hands and a piece of firewood. But, of course, just as the man had expected, or at least had hoped, the bear turns tail and runs off into the woods. The man, angry now, admonishes his wife for what he considered a stupid act, then shrugs off the adventure and asks her to help him with his burned hand. But the man's wife seems agitated. Actually, she's baffled. What did she do wrong? Nothing, from her point of view. Certainly it wasn't bad enough for him to be so adamant and forceful with her. And why in the world did he run off such a pretty animal? It didn't act dangerous. All it was doing was eating bread. Well, the husband doesn't pay a lot of attention to her since he knows she has led a somewhat sheltered and protected life, especially when compared to his. He knows she often see things differently than he does. She simply didn't realize the potential peril, nor how badly it had scared him that his family was in such jeopardy. As the wife is cleaning and bandaging his hand, she becomes even more bewildered. Looking at his terribly burned hand, she can't believe what she's hearing. "Don't worry, sweetheart," he tells her. "It's okay. It'll heal in a week or so. It smarts a little, but it's no big deal." In reality, the husband is on the verge of tears from the pain. Fact is, all he wants to do is get away from everyone so he can groan and whimper by himself. It's not "manly" to whine or cry in front of others. Besides, he also knows from all his past experiences with pain, that pain is really a state of mind and can be controlled. After all, he'd survived three years of hospital time after being shot, stabbed, and blown up during Viet Nam, hadn't he? But his wife has never seen anything like this. Neither has his wife's friend. What kind of a man could have this kind of control over himself they wonder? It's almost scary. Well, again the husband doesn't say much because he knows his wife is particularly sensitive and approaches mostly everything in their personal life on an emotional level. And his wife's friend, even though an experienced psychologist, has never been around the military. Further, she doesn't have much experience with men anyway since she treats mostly women and children. She simply can't comprehend his military training or the fires he's already walked through in his lifetime. Besides, he knows that feeling sorry for himself is not going to make the pain go away or help his hand heal any quicker. And because of his strong personality and past experiences, he is particularly analytical and approaches nearly everything with logic, even his intimate life. So he gives it no more thought. Later, the husband, wife, and her friend are sitting around the fire talking and drinking coffee while the kids are running around playing in camp. The kids, being kids, aren't paying particular attention to what they're doing and step on their Dad's $300.00 fishing rod and break it. Certainly, he understands these are children, and, by the very nature of children, don't always pay attention to what they're doing. Just as he knows that children don't always realize the consequences of their actions. But he also recognizes that children learn to pay attention by being corrected when they don't. And too, he realizes that his children in particular have some learning problems and don't learn in a manner that most consider the "normal" way. So he turns to the children and says: "You guys remember what I did to that bear, don't you?" "Yes sir," they reply. "You want me to run you off into the woods like that?" "No sir," they answer. "Well then, pay attention to what you're doing." He then turns back to the fire and gives the situation no more thought. After he finishes his coffee, he goes to see what he can do about repairing his fishing rod. His wife and her friend begin to talk among themselves. "That's incredible," the wife's friend says. "I've never seen anyone with that much control. He didn't even seem nervous after charging that bear. And his burned hand? That didn't seem to bother him at all." "Oh, he does stuff like that all the time," his wife tells her friend. "In fact, a while back he was fishing in Nicaragua when a guerilla gunboat came along. Not wanting to be caught miles out in the jungle by a bunch of 17 year old machine gun toting kids while he was carrying his military ID card, he jumped out of the boat and ran into the jungle. To get back to the lodge in Costa Rica, he walked 25 miles through the jungle and swam across 4 shark infested rivers. He did this barefooted, wearing nothing but shorts and a T shirt. And nothing happened to him but the worst sunburn I've ever seen. It would have put anyone else in the hospital, but it took me 2 days to talk him into going to the doctor after he got back. Fact is, you can still see the scars on his legs." "He's not afraid of anything, is he?" the wife's friend asks. Actually, he has the same fears as anyone. In fact, he has a high regard for fear and considers it very important because he knows that being afraid can save your life. Just as he knows that letting fear take control can get you killed. And he's learned well from training and experience to understand and control his fear. "Does he get mad?" the friend asks his wife. "Well, of course, just like anyone," the wife answers. "Boy, I wouldn't want him mad at me," the friend says. Now the wife is starting to wonder about her husband. After all, isn't her friend who happens to be a psychologist, wondering about him? It so happens that the man's wife is one of the finest photographers and artists he's ever known. She's particularly creative since she has an especially vivid imagination. But, combine this with the fact that she's completely inexperienced with anything like her husband's background, and her imagination can nurture unrealistically. And her friend, although intelligent as well, has never had any experience with anyone like this man either, so her imagination begins to build too. "Would he really run the children off into the woods?" the wife's friend asks. "No, of course not....Well, I don't think so....But...." the wife answers now wondering even more. The two women continue to talk, and the more they talk, the more their imaginations build, the more the concern grows. And the more a "mistaken picture" of this man becomes reality. Soon, the wife and her friend have built themselves up to the point of near terror, of believing that this man could, and would, do anything. So, in fright the wife grabs up the kids and runs up the mountain while her friend jumps in her car and heads to town. "I've got to save the wife and kids," the friend says to herself. Well, the man's confounded. He doesn't have a clue as to what they're afraid of, or even what's wrong. He knows that he'd never hurt anyone. He never has and never will. He knows full well what it's like to be hurt. Fact is, he can barely stand it when his wife and children are sick or hurt themselves. Besides, they saw that he had protected them from the bear. What more could he possibly do to prove that he loves them? He decides he has two choices. First, he can run up the mountain after his wife and kids yelling all the way: "What's wrong sweetheart. What are you afraid of? Come back, talk to me, tell me the problem. I promise I won't hurt you." But he knows his wife is particularly emotionally sensitive and doesn't always hear the same thing he and others do especially in a situation fraught with emotion. So if he does run after her, he knows she won't hear anything but a rustling in the bushes as he desperately tries to find them. And, in her panic to escape, she'll run further up the mountain, eventually crossing over the top into the next valley and will be gone forever. His second choice is to stay by the campfire and hope she'll come back to him. And that's exactly what he does for he doesn't want to frighten her or the children any more. Soon it gets dark, and cold, and a little scary up on the mountain. And sure enough, she looks down at the man still standing by the campfire and begins to wonder if maybe her imagination did get a little out of hand. "Maybe he's not so bad after all," she thinks. "I know he deeply loves me and the children and would do nearly anything for us. And, maybe after all this, we can talk more and better understand each other." So she picks up the kids and says: "Let's go back down and talk with your Dad. Maybe this is just a big misunderstanding and we can work it out." But about this time, the wife's friend returns from town and she's brought help. She'd run around town telling everyone that a man who was "seriously potentially dangerous" had trapped his wife and children up on a mountain side. Well, these people, who for all the world really believe they are protecting a mother and her children, gather in a circle around the campfire and begin throwing rocks at the man. The wife's friend, also believing with all her heart that she's helping save the woman and her children, gathers up a bunch of rocks and heads up the mountain. "Here's a bunch of rocks," she says handing them to the man's wife. "Throw them at him so he won't come up the mountain after you." The man's wife is really emotional by this time and she's having trouble making up her mind on about much of anything to do with her personal life. So the wife thinks: "My way doesn't seem to be working. And I sure don't want to spend the rest of my life on the side of this mountain. Maybe I should listen to someone else now. And, after all, my friend is a psychologist. And she says my husband is seriously, potentially dangerous." So her imagination rises to new levels and she begins throwing rocks, too. Your honor, I've chosen to stand by the campfire and take the blows as they come. Of course I'm fully aware that the best defense is a good offense. But what would I look like now if I "attack" these people to defend myself, if I "charge" my wife and children to put a stop to this stoning. Of course I have rights, but if I try to protect myself now, I violate every principle I have, I destroy all that I believe in, I lose all that I love. It's every man's dream to find a treasure in his lifetime. And I have found my treasure in a loving family a splendid woman, and three of the finest children anyone could ever want. But this wealth is being snatched from me because of misunderstandings and unfounded fears. I'm being stoned unfairly. Stoned by honest people, true believers to be sure, but nevertheless, I'm being stoned unfairly. I'm not so naive as to believe that life is always fair, that righteousness always triumphs, that goodness always prevails. Just as I accept that no one ever said life was easy. Actually, as I think back in history, this situation is not without precedent. Remember Salem, Massachusetts and the witch trials? Your honor, I'm the witch. And I now know full well how the witches of Salem must have felt as they were bound and burned the unheard appeals, the frustration, the fear. Your honor, for the love of my wife and children, I simply cannot do anything to stop this. But, sir, you can. Thank you. David Couch

David's verbal statement to the court...

Don't know if this will help anyone or not...but, the misunderstandings are what cost me my children. In any case, it's what happened to me and this was my statement to the court... I tried, but still don't know if I did right... I'm not feeling real well so for now this is the best I can do... Happy new year everyone... David’s ORAL STATEMENT TO THE COURT: MAY 24, 1993 A family decides to go camping in a valley surrounded by mountains. The man's wife takes one of her best friends who happens to have a master's degree in psychology. When they arrive at the spot where they plan to camp, the husband builds a fire, then he heads off to a nearby stream to catch fish for their dinner while the rest finish setting up camp. A while later he returns and, to his distress, finds his wife, her friend, and the children feeding hunks of bread to a bear. Even worse, he realizes his wife is down to the last piece of bread. And he knows the bear won't understand when all the bread is gone. Just as he also knows that bears, by their very nature, are unpredictable and dangerous. Seeing no other course of action, the husband runs to the fire, reaches into the burning blaze, grabs a red hot, flaming log, and runs hollering and swinging the blazing log after the bear. To all the world it appears the man fully intends to take on a 500 pound bear with only his bare hands and a piece of firewood. But, of course, just as the man had expected, or at least had hoped, the bear turns tail and runs off into the woods. The man, angry now, admonishes his wife for what he considered a stupid act, then shrugs off the adventure and asks her to help him with his burned hand. But the man's wife seems agitated. Actually, she's baffled. What did she do wrong? Nothing, from her point of view. Certainly it wasn't bad enough for him to be so adamant and forceful with her. And why in the world did he run off such a pretty animal? It didn't act dangerous. All it was doing was eating bread. Well, the husband doesn't pay a lot of attention to her since he knows she has led a somewhat sheltered and protected life, especially when compared to his. He knows she often see things differently than he does. She simply didn't realize the potential peril, nor how badly it had scared him that his family was in such jeopardy. As the wife is cleaning and bandaging his hand, she becomes even more bewildered. Looking at his terribly burned hand, she can't believe what she's hearing. "Don't worry, sweetheart," he tells her. "It's okay. It'll heal in a week or so. It smarts a little, but it's no big deal." In reality, the husband is on the verge of tears from the pain. Fact is, all he wants to do is get away from everyone so he can groan and whimper by himself. It's not "manly" to whine or cry in front of others. Besides, he also knows from all his past experiences with pain, that pain is really a state of mind and can be controlled. After all, he'd survived three years of hospital time after being shot, stabbed, and blown up during Viet Nam, hadn't he? But his wife has never seen anything like this. Neither has his wife's friend. What kind of a man could have this kind of control over himself they wonder? It's almost scary. Well, again the husband doesn't say much because he knows his wife is particularly sensitive and approaches mostly everything in their personal life on an emotional level. And his wife's friend, even though an experienced psychologist, has never been around the military. Further, she doesn't have much experience with men anyway since she treats mostly women and children. She simply can't comprehend his military training or the fires he's already walked through in his lifetime. Besides, he knows that feeling sorry for himself is not going to make the pain go away or help his hand heal any quicker. And because of his strong personality and past experiences, he is particularly analytical and approaches nearly everything with logic, even his intimate life. So he gives it no more thought. Later, the husband, wife, and her friend are sitting around the fire talking and drinking coffee while the kids are running around playing in camp. The kids, being kids, aren't paying particular attention to what they're doing and step on their Dad's $300.00 fishing rod and break it. Certainly, he understands these are children, and, by the very nature of children, don't always pay attention to what they're doing. Just as he knows that children don't always realize the consequences of their actions. But he also recognizes that children learn to pay attention by being corrected when they don't. And too, he realizes that his children in particular have some learning problems and don't learn in a manner that most consider the "normal" way. So he turns to the children and says: "You guys remember what I did to that bear, don't you?" "Yes sir," they reply. "You want me to run you off into the woods like that?" "No sir," they answer. "Well then, pay attention to what you're doing." He then turns back to the fire and gives the situation no more thought. After he finishes his coffee, he goes to see what he can do about repairing his fishing rod. His wife and her friend begin to talk among themselves. "That's incredible," the wife's friend says. "I've never seen anyone with that much control. He didn't even seem nervous after charging that bear. And his burned hand? That didn't seem to bother him at all." "Oh, he does stuff like that all the time," his wife tells her friend. "In fact, a while back he was fishing in Nicaragua when a guerilla gunboat came along. Not wanting to be caught miles out in the jungle by a bunch of 17 year old machine gun toting kids while he was carrying his military ID card, he jumped out of the boat and ran into the jungle. To get back to the lodge in Costa Rica, he walked 25 miles through the jungle and swam across 4 shark infested rivers. He did this barefooted, wearing nothing but shorts and a T shirt. And nothing happened to him but the worst sunburn I've ever seen. It would have put anyone else in the hospital, but it took me 2 days to talk him into going to the doctor after he got back. Fact is, you can still see the scars on his legs." "He's not afraid of anything, is he?" the wife's friend asks. Actually, he has the same fears as anyone. In fact, he has a high regard for fear and considers it very important because he knows that being afraid can save your life. Just as he knows that letting fear take control can get you killed. And he's learned well from training and experience to understand and control his fear. "Does he get mad?" the friend asks his wife. "Well, of course, just like anyone," the wife answers. "Boy, I wouldn't want him mad at me," the friend says. Now the wife is starting to wonder about her husband. After all, isn't her friend who happens to be a psychologist, wondering about him? It so happens that the man's wife is one of the finest photographers and artists he's ever known. She's particularly creative since she has an especially vivid imagination. But, combine this with the fact that she's completely inexperienced with anything like her husband's background, and her imagination can nurture unrealistically. And her friend, although intelligent as well, has never had any experience with anyone like this man either, so her imagination begins to build too. "Would he really run the children off into the woods?" the wife's friend asks. "No, of course not....Well, I don't think so....But...." the wife answers now wondering even more. The two women continue to talk, and the more they talk, the more their imaginations build, the more the concern grows. And the more a "mistaken picture" of this man becomes reality. Soon, the wife and her friend have built themselves up to the point of near terror, of believing that this man could, and would, do anything. So, in fright the wife grabs up the kids and runs up the mountain while her friend jumps in her car and heads to town. "I've got to save the wife and kids," the friend says to herself. Well, the man's confounded. He doesn't have a clue as to what they're afraid of, or even what's wrong. He knows that he'd never hurt anyone. He never has and never will. He knows full well what it's like to be hurt. Fact is, he can barely stand it when his wife and children are sick or hurt themselves. Besides, they saw that he had protected them from the bear. What more could he possibly do to prove that he loves them? He decides he has two choices. First, he can run up the mountain after his wife and kids yelling all the way: "What's wrong sweetheart. What are you afraid of? Come back, talk to me, tell me the problem. I promise I won't hurt you." But he knows his wife is particularly emotionally sensitive and doesn't always hear the same thing he and others do especially in a situation fraught with emotion. So if he does run after her, he knows she won't hear anything but a rustling in the bushes as he desperately tries to find them. And, in her panic to escape, she'll run further up the mountain, eventually crossing over the top into the next valley and will be gone forever. His second choice is to stay by the campfire and hope she'll come back to him. And that's exactly what he does for he doesn't want to frighten her or the children any more. Soon it gets dark, and cold, and a little scary up on the mountain. And sure enough, she looks down at the man still standing by the campfire and begins to wonder if maybe her imagination did get a little out of hand. "Maybe he's not so bad after all," she thinks. "I know he deeply loves me and the children and would do nearly anything for us. And, maybe after all this, we can talk more and better understand each other." So she picks up the kids and says: "Let's go back down and talk with your Dad. Maybe this is just a big misunderstanding and we can work it out." But about this time, the wife's friend returns from town and she's brought help. She'd run around town telling everyone that a man who was "seriously potentially dangerous" had trapped his wife and children up on a mountain side. Well, these people, who for all the world really believe they are protecting a mother and her children, gather in a circle around the campfire and begin throwing rocks at the man. The wife's friend, also believing with all her heart that she's helping save the woman and her children, gathers up a bunch of rocks and heads up the mountain. "Here's a bunch of rocks," she says handing them to the man's wife. "Throw them at him so he won't come up the mountain after you." The man's wife is really emotional by this time and she's having trouble making up her mind on about much of anything to do with her personal life. So the wife thinks: "My way doesn't seem to be working. And I sure don't want to spend the rest of my life on the side of this mountain. Maybe I should listen to someone else now. And, after all, my friend is a psychologist. And she says my husband is seriously, potentially dangerous." So her imagination rises to new levels and she begins throwing rocks, too. Your honor, I've chosen to stand by the campfire and take the blows as they come. Of course I'm fully aware that the best defense is a good offense. But what would I look like now if I "attack" these people to defend myself, if I "charge" my wife and children to put a stop to this stoning. Of course I have rights, but if I try to protect myself now, I violate every principle I have, I destroy all that I believe in, I lose all that I love. It's every man's dream to find a treasure in his lifetime. And I have found my treasure in a loving family a splendid woman, and three of the finest children anyone could ever want. But this wealth is being snatched from me because of misunderstandings and unfounded fears. I'm being stoned unfairly. Stoned by honest people, true believers to be sure, but nevertheless, I'm being stoned unfairly. I'm not so naive as to believe that life is always fair, that righteousness always triumphs, that goodness always prevails. Just as I accept that no one ever said life was easy. Actually, as I think back in history, this situation is not without precedent. Remember Salem, Massachusetts and the witch trials? Your honor, I'm the witch. And I now know full well how the witches of Salem must have felt as they were bound and burned the unheard appeals, the frustration, the fear. Your honor, for the love of my wife and children, I simply cannot do anything to stop this. But, sir, you can. Thank you. David Couch

Saturday, October 20, 2012

I give up...

Hey all... I need the world to hear me... Someone, please help... I created the parental alienation group for a reason. A very, very long time ago. I was very sad and alone. I missed my little girl, Kristin, so much I didn't know what to do... Imagine, a full grown man crying himself to sleep? I was so very alone. Still, I did not realize how many others were in the same situation as I. But now , the doctors tell me I'm out of time. So,now I need help. Who is going to stand up and carry on for me? I spent my life fighting for our freedoms and rights...now I'm dying of wounds I received during that fight. I saved a few, but not nearly enough to make my life worthwhile. And, I have a lot of regrets... Sometimes I still can't stop crying. And, I'm a "proven" tough guy. So, now I need help... Who do I turn to for help...? I really have no one. So, I need one of you to step up and carry on. I know one of you can do it...I know that. So, step up...do it. Surely, there's more than one of you. If I could do it...you can surely do it. Please...get off your ass and make a difference. Please...help give my life some meaning. Not just for my daughter, but for all the sons and daughters that need help...that cry themselves to sleep without knowing why... I would only ask that our children be taught understanding and forgiveness. My daughter, Kristin Jean is quite religious. But, apparently, she's never really learned about true forgiveness or understanding. There must be many mothers and fathers and sons and daughters that really don't understand true forgiveness...and that none of us are perfect. We should do everything we can to teach our children...how many of us have not made any mistakes...? And, what can we do to... One of my greatest regrets is that I haven't had the chance to explain to my daughter...or even ask for her forgiveness. How can you truly believe in God without understanding forgiveness? Isn't that why Christ hung on the cross? Talk about parental alienation...and christian cults... In any case, before I go out...I would ask that someone puts together a very large group with the same objective. Lets us take a trip somewhere in the world...somewhere that all can afford it. I like the idea of a cruise... Like a cruise or a gathering somewhere all would enjoy. And, wouldn't it be particularly fine if we could bring our estranged children at the same time. All we have to do is offer them the trip...free of charge. We'll pay for it somehow... So, while I can't do it anymore, I know there is someone out there that can put their heart into it and organize something of this sort. Make it happen. Surely, someone is out there that has enough money...you know...like 100's of millions that most of us can't understand...please help all of us see our children again... Feel their little arms around our necks. What more can I say... What goes around, comes around. No matter your beliefs in God... So, please...someone stand up, step forward...whoever you are. It can be done. We can do this. I won't be much help...but I'll surely give it my best. If someone out there can afford it...maybe you can help reunite some families. I can tell you...the pain of losing a loved one is one of the most hurtful, devastating, and... I can't finish...I can still feel my daughter's little arms wrapped around my neck as she sobbed...daddy I don't want to go!

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

My darling daughter...

Kristin Jean (Couch) Haywood, the light of my life…and my darling daughter was born on 27 March 1990. I raised her the first 4 years of her life. I last saw her in 1994. I did not get to see her first date. I did not get to see her graduate from high school. I did not see her first day of college. I wasn’t even allowed to see her get married. I don’t know if I’m a grandfather or not. My x-wife has created so much distrust and fear in my daughter that she is terrified of me to this day. Her step father has become her “daddy.” What kind of a man would allow that? After more than 20 years as an Infantry officer, 5 wars, and three woundings…nothing has hurt me more than losing my daughter. And, I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. Still, I spent all my life in Infantry special operations so I’ve got to be a bad guy, huh? What has happened to this world…? Can it even be fixed...?

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

NH Supreme Ct: PAS Harms Kids; F & F Helps Introduce GA Child Custody Bill

NH Supreme Court: Parental Alienation 'Inimical to Children’s Welfare'

“Across the country, the great weight of authority holds that conduct by one parent that tends to alienate the child’s affections from the other is so inimical to the child’s welfare as to be grounds for a denial of custody to, or a change of custody from, the parent guilty of such conduct.”--New Hampshire Supreme Court, in a new ruling

James Miller and Janet Todd had two daughters...a New Hampshire court awarded joint custody, with Ms. Todd as primary custodian and Mr. Miller with visitation rights.

Todd began a long series of allegations of child sexual abuse against Miller. Each and every claim was investigated; each and every claim was determined to be unfounded. As part of the investigations, the girls were subjected to invasive pelvic examinations at least twice each.

False though the allegations were, they served a purpose; they caused the New Hampshire family court to suspend Miller’s parenting time with his children throughout the course of the proceedings. This meant that, for over two years, he had no contact with his daughters and they none with him...


This case is excellent, not only because of its result, but mostly because of its sound analysis. It should serve as a template for courts not only here in the U.S. but in other countries as well.

It comes to us from the Supreme Court of New Hampshire and analyzes a situation in which false allegations of child sexual abuse were used by a mother to deprive a father of contact with his children. It’s a familiar pattern of facts and altogether too rare an outcome.

In 1999, James Miller met Janet Todd online. They developed a relationship and, although they never married, had two daughters. Laurel was born in 2002 and Lindsey in 2003. Ultimately, a New Hampshire court awarded joint custody with Todd as primary custodian and Miller with visitation rights.

But early on, Todd’s mother claimed she had seen Miller sexually abusing Laurel. Thus began a long series of allegations of child sexual abuse against Miller. They were still going on as late as March, 2009, some five years after the first one.

Each and every claim was investigated; each and every claim was determined to be unfounded. As part of the investigations, the girls were subjected to invasive pelvic examinations at least twice each.

False though the allegations were, they served a purpose; they caused the New Hampshire family court to suspend Miller’s parenting time with his children throughout the course of the proceedings. That meant that, for over two years, he had no contact with his daughters and they none with him.

Eventually, in July, 2006, the court ordered psychologist Dr. Peggie Ward to thoroughly examine Miller, Todd, the girls and the family situation to determine issues of custody, alienation, sexual abuse, etc. It took Ward 17 months to produce her 88-page report which the court found to be “extraordinarily thorough.”

What Ward concluded was that there was no reliable evidence of sexual abuse by Miller. She also concluded that Todd had probably not set out to deliberately alienate the girls from their father; that probably originated with Todd’s mother. The problem stemmed not only from the various claims of abuse, but from Todd’s almost total inability to accurately process everyday occurrences.

[p]sychological testing shows that Ms. Todd has a “serious
impairment in her ability to accurately process the information she takes in from her surroundings and the degree of misperception she demonstrates has major implications for her adaptive functioning. Ms. Todd’s level of distortion is substantial and predisposes her to misunderstanding and misconstruing intentions, motivations and actions of other people. This places her at great risk for faulty judgment, for errors in decision-making, and for behaving in ways that are based on inaccurate information. These data indicate that Ms. Todd will not only fail to recognize or foresee the consequences of her actions at times, but that she will also become confused at times in separating fantasy from reality.”

In other words, Todd was unable to sort out false allegations from real ones. Into the bargain, Todd failed to protect her daughters from her own feelings and fears about what she thought may be happening, thereby perpetuating the girls’ own confusion about the nature of what daddy had or had not done.

So, given years of false allegations against Miller and the manifest inability by Todd to (a) distinguish fantasy from reality and (b) promote a healthy relationship between Miller and his daughters, the trial court did what so many of them do; it gave custody to the children’s mother.

That violated New Hampshire law which requires parents to promote positive relationships between the opposite parent and the children. It also ignored the rather startling fact that Todd’s emotional problems posed obvious risks for any child in her care.

So why did the court give her custody? Because the kids had been with her for several years during which time they’d had no contact with Miller. They’d developed friendships at school and so, according to the court, their “best interests” required them to see little or nothing of their father, depending on the decisions of their clearly unbalanced mother. If that makes sense to you, please explain it to me.

The New Hampshire Supreme Court squashed that one like a bug. Its opinion grasps what so many courts do not - that continuing, deep and rich relationships with both parents are in the child’s best interests. The mother’s obstruction of such relationships between the children and the father is per se not in their best interests.

Why that should be so difficult to understand is beyond me. The statutes of New Hampshire make it clear as do the statutes and courts of other jurisdictions. The court said:
“Across the country, the great weight of authority holds that conduct by one parent that tends to alienate the child’s affections from the other is so inimical to the child’s welfare as to be grounds for a denial of custody to, or a change of custody from, the parent guilty of such conduct.”

And yet time and again, courts ignore statute and case law and look only at the fact that the child has been separate from the father for a certain period of time. They then conclude that the he cannot have future contact or that it must be limited, without ever noticing how his lack of contact came about.

The New Hampshire court specifically objected to the concept that Todd had “benefitted from her own misbehavior.” That’s a concept I’ve waited many years to hear a court articulate. For as long as I’ve been a student and advocate of fathers’ rights, I’ve been astonished at courts’ willingness to ignore mothers’ wrongdoing in order to grant them custody. That happens as a matter of routine in adoption cases.

What Miller v. Todd does is to show that the requirement on the part of each parent to promote the child’s relationship with the other parent is necessary and beneficial to the child. It also shows that courts will not reward the alienating behavior of parents.

And that, in a nutshell, is how courts should rule in these cases. They should make it clear that false allegations of abuse are not acceptable and that they will not be used to benefit the alienating parent.

It’s a simple concept that more courts need to grasp.


THE SUPREME COURT OF NEW HAMPSHIRE
___________________________
Portsmouth Family Division
No. 2009-806
IN THE MATTER OF JAMES J. MILLER AND JANET S. TODD
Argued: November 17, 2010
Opinion Issued: March 31, 2011
Law Office of Joshua L. Gordon, of Concord (Joshua L. Gordon on the
brief and orally), for the petitioner.
John P. Carr, of Hingham, Massachusetts, and Elizabeth B. Olcott, of
Concord, on the brief, and Mr. Carr orally, for the respondent.
HICKS, J. The petitioner, James J. Miller, currently a resident of New
York, appeals an order of the Portsmouth Family Division (DeVries, J.),
recommended by the Master (Cross, M.), requiring the parties’ two minor
daughters to continue to live primarily with the respondent, Janet S. Todd, in
New Hampshire. We vacate and remand.

We have reviewed the extensive record in this case and set forth the facts
most relevant to the issues on appeal. Miller and Todd met in 1999 over the
internet and established a relationship. At that time, Miller lived in Michigan
and Todd lived in New Hampshire. Although they never married, their
relationship produced two daughters, Laurel born in 2002 and Lindsay born in
2003. During 2002 and 2003, the parties spent some time living together in
Michigan, Todd and the children spent some time alone in New Hampshire living with Todd’s parents, and the parties all spent some time together at
Todd’s parents’ house in New Hampshire. Toward the end of 2003, the parties’ relationship broke down. On December 23, 2003, Miller obtained an ex parte order in the circuit court in Michigan granting him sole temporary legal and physical custody of his
daughters. That same day, Todd took the children to her parents’ home in
Hampton, New Hampshire. On January 6, 2004, Todd was served with the
Michigan custody order. On January 15, the Rockingham County Superior
Court, in response to Miller’s petition for enforcement of the Michigan custody
decree, ordered Todd to appear at a hearing and on January 26, the trial court
ordered Todd to bring the children to Miller within twenty-four hours for the
purpose of transferring custody to him. Sometime in January, Todd’s mother told her that, four months earlier, she saw Miller molest Laurel by inserting his forefinger into her. On January 27, on the advice of her attorney, Todd took the children to the emergency
department at Exeter Hospital and requested a “well baby check.” The
physician’s report states: “[P]atient here for well child check-up; told by Lawyer
to have evaluated for custody issue.” There is no evidence in the record that
Todd notified the hospital staff of any concerns regarding sexual abuse. The
physical exam indicated the children’s condition was good. Todd then transferred the children to Miller’s custody. On February 5, 2004, a report was filed with the Family Independence Agency of Michigan, Child Protective Services, alleging that
maternal grandparents recalled an incident that occurred in New Hampshire between 10/03/03 and 10/05/03 when father was rubbing diaper cream on Laurel because she had a diaper rash. Maternal grandmother states she did not have [a] diaper rash.
Maternal grandmother stated father inserted his fore-finger inside of Laurel. This was never reported to anyone. The agency investigated the report, including having pelvic examinations of both children administered. No indications of sexual abuse of either
child were found and the investigation was closed. In November 2004, the Rockingham County Superior Court issued a temporary decree awarding the parties joint legal custody of the children. In that order, the trial court questioned the credibility of both parties. Regarding Todd, the court found “most troubling” the allegations of sexual abuse raised by her. As the court stated, “It is simply far too convenient to believe the
testimony put forth by [Todd]: that her mother [chose] not to reveal the
allegations of [Miller’s] alleged sexual assault until custody of the minor children was awarded to [Miller].” The court noted that neither party “appears to care to whom they lie so long as they achieve favorable results.” In June 2005, Todd’s father reported to the Hampton police that while he was lying in bed with Lindsay and Laurel watching a movie, Laurel tried to “straddle” him on his chest and stated, “I’m f------ you.” When the grandfather asked Laurel where she heard that she said nothing. When the grandfather
then asked, “from your father,” Laurel said “yes.” The police noted the report as a “possible disclosure” of sexual abuse, but took no action. In September 2005, a friend of Todd’s made a statement to the police that Laurel had reported that Miller had spanked her in the groin area. Todd filed an ex parte petition for temporary stay of visitation between Miller and the children alleging that the children reported being spanked by Miller and a third party in the groin area and that Laurel had displayed “other alarming behavior of a sexual nature,” referring to the grandfather’s report to the police in June.
As a result of these allegations, the court issued an order prohibiting Miller from having any contact with the children “until this matter is duly investigated and any and all allegations of abuse are deemed unfounded.” After an investigation that included a second pelvic examination of Laurel, the New Hampshire Division for Children, Youth, and Families (DCYF) closed the matter as unfounded. Details of the alleged abuse were sent to the Manchester Police Department which, after investigation, also concluded that the charges were unfounded. A copy of the report was sent to the Hillsborough County Attorney.
In November 2005, Todd and the children’s therapist reported to DCYF that Laurel had stated that Miller took “pictures of her with her clothes off,” made her “eat his pee pee” and “panks her in the front.” On January 30, 2006 DCYF sent a letter to Miller stating that it had determined that he was “the individual responsible for the abuse” and that his name would be entered “on its central registry of founded child abuse and neglect reports.” Miller appealed the finding and, on February 24, 2006, DCYF rescinded its initial determination. In a letter to Todd, DCYF informed her that new evidence had
come to its attention and that “the assessment regarding your children has
been closed unfounded.” DCYF stated that “[t]here has been a concern that
Laurel has been coached with the information that she has been disclosing.
Please understand that this . . . type of coaching, if proven, is equally as
abusive to a child as if the abuse had actually occurred.” The matter was also
referred to the Manchester Police Department, which investigated but did not
pursue charges.
In July 2006, the parties agreed to be evaluated by psychologist Peggie
Ward “to investigate and make recommendations . . . on the issues of a
parenting/custody assess[ment], abuse allegations by both parties, parental
4
alienation issues, scripting issue[s] and any and all other issues . . . which she
deems relevant.” On December 18, 2007, Dr. Ward issued an eighty-eight page
report in which she considered several hypotheses. First, Dr. Ward posed the
hypothesis that “Laurel was not sexually abused by her father or anyone else.”
Dr. Ward noted that both children were subjected to multiple examinations and
questioning and that Laurel’s statements to the Child Advocacy Center “do not
appear to be consistent with her initial statement nor do they have a good deal
of context.” Dr. Ward opined that “this hypothesis may be supported by the
data” in that “Laurel’s presentation is less consistent with a child who has been
repeatedly sexually abused.”
Second, Dr. Ward posed the hypothesis that “Laurel was sexually abused
or inappropriately touched by Mr. Miller.” Dr. Ward noted that “Laurel’s
statements and behaviors are less consistent with child sexual abuse than they
are of premature focus on the genital area followed by a good deal of anxiety
and distress about sexual abuse from both Janet Todd as well as [Todd’s
mother].” Due to the “lack of context and the lack of memory regarding
abusive behavior, combined with multiple physical exams and multiple
interviews,” it was “impossible to determine whether Laurel was sexually
abused by her father.” Dr. Ward’s opinion was that “Laurel’s presentation is
less consistent with a child sexually abused by her father and more consistent
with other hypotheses.”
Third, Dr. Ward posed the hypothesis that Todd “has deliberately
coached the children in what to say and scripted their responses.” It was Dr.
Ward’s opinion that “this hypothesis is not the hypothesis best supported by
the data.”
Fourth, Dr. Ward posed the hypothesis that “Todd came to believe that
Laurel, not Lindsay, was sexually abused by Mr. Miller.” It was Dr. Ward’s
opinion that this hypothesis “is the most likely hypothesis supported by the
data. That is, that Ms. Todd, after experiencing her parent’s concerns about
Mr. Miller and after having experienced her own negative interactions with Mr.
Miller, became increasingly convinced that Mr. Miller was harming Laurel.”
Referring to a psychological report on Todd that was prepared in August 2007
by Dr. David Medoff, Dr. Ward noted that
[p]sychological testing shows that Ms. Todd has a “serious
impairment in her ability to accurately process the information she
takes in from her surroundings and the degree of misperception
she demonstrates has major implications for her adaptive
functioning. Ms. Todd’s level of distortion is substantial and
predisposes her to misunderstanding and misconstruing
intentions, motivations and actions of other people. This places
her at great risk for faulty judgment, for errors in decision-making,
5
and for behaving in ways that are based on inaccurate information.
These data indicate that Ms. Todd will not only fail to recognize or
foresee the consequences of her actions at times, but that she will
also become confused at times in separating fantasy from reality.”
As Dr. Ward explained,
Ms. Todd has the liability of distortion of information and failure to
accurately identify intentions, motivations and behavior of others.
Ms. Todd’s emotional state placed her at risk for misinterpreting
information that she gained from her environment, adamantly
believing that Laurel was sexually abused, and acting with full
force on this information.
Dr. Ward thus concluded that “the hypothesis that Ms. Todd unintentionally
but clearly caused Laurel to come to believe that she has been sexually abused
by her father is the hypothesis best supported by the data.”
In making her recommendations, Dr. Ward cautioned that “[w]hile it is
unlikely that Mr. Miller has sexually abused Laurel, it is not possible to say
with an absolute certainty that he did not.” She concluded, however, that
while it is “likely that Janet Todd did influence her children with her negative
beliefs about Mr. Miller, from her psychological profile, it is most likely that her
feelings colored her perceptions and that she not only came to see Mr. Miller as
harmful to Laurel but also did not protect the children from her feelings.” In
addition, Dr. Ward noted that “Ms. Todd’s parents appear to have wholly and
adamantly accepted that Mr. Miller is a pervasive negative influence on his
children. Mrs. Todd in particular is active in helping her daughter prove that
Mr. Miller sexually abused the children.” Finally, Dr. Ward noted that “Laurel’s
therapist is convinced that Laurel has been sexually abused, and may have
inadvertently reinforced the abuse by making a ‘book’ with Laurel about her
abuse.”
At the time Dr. Ward submitted her report in late December 2007, Miller
had not seen his children, outside of Dr. Ward’s office, since September 2005.
Because the children had no present relationship with Miller, Dr. Ward
recommended therapeutic reunification. Dr. Ward noted that the “children and
their father have lost time that they cannot bring back. Once the relationship
between Mr. Miller and the children is both more positive and more stable a
parenting plan should be worked out wherein the children can spen[d]
significant periods of time with their father.”
On January 7, 2008, the trial court issued an order addressing Dr.
Ward’s evaluation and recommendations. The court noted that as a result of
Todd’s allegations of sexual abuse, Miller “has had little meaningful parenting
6
time for the past two years, other than when he and the children met with Dr.
Ward as part of her evaluation.” The court expressed its intent
to set a course for the immediate therapeutic reunification of the
children with their father. Too much time has already passed and
too much opportunity has been lost. The children certainly
deserve better. [Todd] asserts that she accepts the goal of
reunification, but wants it to proceed at a slow pace. The court is
convinced that [Todd’s] pace for reunification is far too slow and is
premised on assertions which may not be true.
The court noted that although Miller had already identified a reunification
therapist, Todd had “made no such effort whatsoever.” The court ordered that
the parties immediately contact Kelly Khachadourian to begin the therapeutic
reunification process, that Todd immediately reenroll in counseling, and that
her therapist be given a copy of Dr. Ward’s evaluation and Todd’s own
psychological evaluation. The court found “that the children’s best interests
require that they ‘normalize’ their relationship with their father. It is
extraordinarily harmful to them to deprive them of a relationship with one
parent, especially when the reasons for doing so appear to be wholly
unjustified.” The court expressed that it did
not doubt that [Todd] feels justified in objecting to [Miller] having
parenting time because of her concerns about sexual abuse, but
the objective evidence does not corroborate her concerns. In fact,
Dr. Ward’s evaluation and the parties’ psychological evaluations
raise the very real possibility that unless the children’s
circumstances are immediately addressed, they risk abuse from a
different source.
On March 6, 2008, following a hearing, the trial court issued an order
stating that its “hope that progress could be made in [Miller’s] reunification
with the parties’ minor children was misguided.” The January 7, 2008 order
setting forth a plan for restoring the relationship “failed in relatively short
order.” The court attributed responsibility for its failure to both parties:
“[Miller] because of his insistence and belligerence with the reunification
therapist” and Todd “because of her fanciful concern about the therapist’s
‘fraudulent billing’ of insurance.” The court ordered that the parties enroll in
reunification counseling with a new therapist and that they develop a schedule
which gives Miller “some increasingly longer periods of parenting time” during
the reunification process. The court stated that it was “growing increasingly
convinced that [Todd’s] insistence that [Miller] sexually abused the children is
the single biggest obstacle to restoring [Miller’s] relationship with them. If her
insistence continues to be so intractable, [it] may be left with no alternative
short of modifying the children’s primary residence.” Further, the court denied
7
Todd’s request to depose the children’s former therapist, stating that Todd’s
“representation that [the therapist] is the source for her conviction that the
children were sexually abused is, at this point, irrelevant; whatever the source
of her belief, the fact is that she continues to hold to it no matter the evidence
to the contrary.”
On May 15, 2008, following a hearing, the court, after noting that the
parties “have no interest to cooperate in what they both profess to believe –
that the children need [to] rebuild their relationship with their father,” ordered
that they begin reunification therapy near Miller’s home in New York no later
than July 1, 2008. Following an ex parte motion filed by Miller alleging that
Todd’s continued interference with the reunification process required
immediate modification of residential custody, the court stated that if Todd and
the children did not appear for the July 8, 2008 appointment, it would consider
Miller’s request for sole decision-making and residential responsibility.
On August 25, 2008, following a hearing, the court recognized that
although the parties “agree that they have made considerable progress since
the [May] hearing . . . in reunifying the minor children with [Miller],” that “good
news quickly degenerated into a heated argument about the next step in the
process.” Miller wanted temporary primary residential responsibility of the
children so he could bring them to New York to complete the reunification
therapy, while Todd contended that request was “decidedly not in the children’s
best interests.” The court stated that it understood that Miller is convinced
that Todd
has alienated the children and is responsible for the children’s
estrangement from him; he may be right, but that does not change
the fact that the children will require time to adjust to the
change(s). The process of restoring his contact with the children
has begun [and] is proceeding reasonably well, and the children’s
best interests require that he be patient with the process.
As for Todd, the court stated that she
continues to be unwilling to recognize the damage she has done to
the children’s relationship with their father. She offers no real
practical suggestions for how to continue the restoration of the
relationship; rather, she leaves it up to him to work out the
arrangements, presumably by his traveling to New Hampshire to
continue the reunification therapy.
Accordingly, the court set forth a schedule to allow Miller to continue the
reunification therapy and appointed a guardian ad litem.
8
In October 2008, Miller filed an ex parte motion again seeking
modification of residential responsibility “made necessary due to the fact that
[he] ha[d] not had any contact with his children since August 14, 2008.”
Following a hearing on the motion, the court stated that it remained “convinced
that [Todd] is not invested in the process of reunifying [Miller] with the parties’
minor children.” The “uncontroverted evidence” demonstrated that Miller had
not seen the children since August “for reasons entirely unclear to the court,”
that Todd had offered parenting time to Miller for a couple of days in August
“but then reneged,” and that Todd neither met Miller in New Hampshire when
he came to pick up the children, nor did she bring the children to New York.
The court noted that Miller was not blameless in that he “unreasonably insists
that his reunification with the children be done on his terms, and his
impatience with the process has now caused the second reunification therapist
to withdraw from this case. He chose both therapists, but his conduct has
made their work nearly impossible.” Concluding that only a specific schedule
of parenting time would guarantee Miller’s contact with the children, the court
set forth a visitation schedule.
In March 2009, the guardian ad litem filed an ex parte motion to cancel
the custodial time the children were scheduled to have with their father during
the weekend beginning March 20, 2009. The motion indicated that “[o]n
3/18/09 Janet Todd told the GAL that the children disclosed to her
inappropriate touching by their father . . . during their last custodial time with
[him].” In response, the trial court scheduled a hearing and, in the interim,
ordered that the “father shall not have parenting time.” At the hearing, the
guardian stated that Todd claimed Lindsay reported that “daddy touched her
pee-pee. She told him not to and he did it anyway, and that there was also a
threat in there that if they told anyone, he would kill their mother.” Following
the hearing, the court ordered that Miller’s parenting time was not suspended
but ordered the guardian ad litem and Todd to report the disclosures to DCYF
“immediately.” DCYF investigated and closed the matter as unfounded. In a
letter to the parties, DCYF recommended that both Laurel and Lindsay engage
in individual therapy and that the parents participate in a Child Impact
Seminar to understand “the impact it has on children to have a relationship
with both parents.” DCYF also stated that “[i]f we shall get another report in
with further concerns for Lindsay and Laurel and they have not started
therapy, [t]he Division for Children, Youth and Families may be forced to take a
different course of action.”
In April 2009, the guardian ad litem filed a statement with the court
indicating that Laurel’s first grade teacher had reported that on April 20 Laurel
began to cry in class and disclosed that during her most recent visit with her
father he said that he was going to hurt her mother and there was nothing she
could do to stop him. In response, Miller filed a motion to modify custody of
9
the children due to new acts of child abuse. Following a hearing, the court
denied the motion. The court noted that it understood
that [Miller] fears that this new allegation, when combined with
previous ones and the recent one in March, is a “slippery slope”
spiraling into new and more serious ones. The court will carefully
consider all that has happened before March and since. The Final
Hearing is scheduled in July, only two months away. Until then,
the court does not find a risk of imminent harm to justify the
uprooting of the children, especially so close to the end of the
school year.
Following a three-day hearing, the master issued his recommendations
regarding custody, which were approved by the trial court on September 8,
2009. The master found that in 2005 the court had “suspended father’s
parenting time because of mother’s allegations that he sexually abused Laurel”
but that “DCYF investigated and ultimately made no findings of sexual abuse.”
The master found that Dr. Ward’s “thorough and extraordinarily perceptive”
parenting assessment included the conclusion “that the girls are being exposed
to something that undermines their relationship with father.” The master
found that Miller’s expert, Dr. Garber, shared this conclusion. The master also
found that Todd “believes that ‘something sexual definitely happened (to
Laurel) by [Miller]’” and that Dr. Ward “opine[d] that mother ‘influence(d) her
children with her negative beliefs about (father) . . . (and) did not protect the
children from her feelings.’”
Regarding the children, the master found that they have lived primarily
with their mother in New Hampshire for nearly five years, where they have
attended school. He found that they have friends in New Hampshire and a
close relationship with their maternal grandparents. In addition, he found that
although they have reestablished a healthy bond with their father, have made
friends in New York, and enjoy their time with their father’s brother and
mother, a move to New York would be a drastic change requiring them to leave
most of what they have known during their formative years and would not be
in their best interest. Accordingly, the master concluded that “the girls’ best
interests require that they continue living primarily with their mother in New
Hampshire.”
Miller raises three issues on appeal. First, he argues that the trial court
erred in awarding Todd parenting responsibility when she has “engaged in a
sustained campaign to alienate the children from [him], and to interfere with
his parenting rights, by making multiple accusations of sexual abuse.”
Second, he argues that the trial court erred in not providing him a timely
opportunity to view videotaped interviews with Laurel. Third, he argues that
Supreme Court Rule 3 providing for mandatory review of appeals involving
10
married parents but discretionary review of appeals involving non-married
parents is unconstitutional.
The trial court has wide discretion in matters involving custody and
visitation. In the Matter of Choy & Choy, 154 N.H. 707, 713 (2007); see RSA
461-A:20 (Supp. 2010) (“Any provision of law that refers to the ‘custody’ of
minor children shall mean the allocation of parental rights and responsibilities
as provided in this chapter.”).
Our review is limited to determining whether it clearly appears that
the trial court engaged in an unsustainable exercise of discretion.
This means that we review only whether the record establishes an
objective basis sufficient to sustain the discretionary judgment
made, and we will not disturb the trial court’s determination if it
could reasonably be made.
Choy, 154 N.H. at 713 (quotation and citations omitted). We review a trial
court’s statutory interpretation de novo. Id. at 711.
“When determining matters of child custody, a trial court’s overriding
concern is the best interest of the child.” In the Matter of Martin & Martin, 160
N.H. 645, 647 (2010), cert. denied, 79 U.S.L.W. 3329 (Jan. 24, 2011). RSA
chapter 461-A, the Parental Rights and Responsibilities Act, states that
“children do best when both parents have a stable and meaningful involvement
in their lives.” RSA 461-A:2, I (Supp. 2010). Accordingly, it is the policy of this
state to “[s]upport frequent and continuing contact between each child and
both parents” and to “[e]ncourage parents to share in the rights and
responsibilities of raising their children.” RSA 461-A:2, I(a), (b). The Act
codifies the “best interests of the child” criteria, setting forth twelve factors that
the court must consider, including:
(e) The ability and disposition of each parent to foster a positive
relationship and frequent and continuing physical, written and
telephonic contact with the other parent, except where contact will
result in harm to the child or to a parent.
(f) The support of each parent for the child’s contact with the
other parent as shown by allowing and promoting such contact.
(g) The support of each parent for the child’s relationship with
the other parent.
RSA 461-A:6, I(e)-(g) (Supp. 2009) (amended 2010).
11
“Across the country, the great weight of authority holds that conduct by
one parent that tends to alienate the child’s affections from the other is so
inimical to the child’s welfare as to be grounds for a denial of custody to, or a
change of custody from, the parent guilty of such conduct.” Renaud v. Renaud,
721 A.2d 463, 465-66 (Vt. 1998). “[A] child’s best interests are plainly furthered
by nurturing the child’s relationship with both parents, and a sustained course
of conduct by one parent designed to interfere in the child’s relationship with
the other casts serious doubt upon the fitness of the offending party to be the
custodial parent.” Id. at 466. As we have recognized, “the obstruction by a
custodial parent of visitation between a child and the noncustodial parent may,
if continuous, constitute behavior so inconsistent with the best interests of the
child as to raise a strong possibility that the child will be harmed.” Webb v.
Knudson, 133 N.H. 665, 673 (1990); see also In the Matter of Kosek & Kosek,
151 N.H. 722, 728 (2005).
In addition, many courts have held that unfounded allegations of sexual
abuse made by one parent can be grounds for granting custody to the other
parent. See, e.g., Young v. Young, 628 N.Y.S.2d 957, 962 (App. Div. 1995);
Hartman v. Hartman, 621 N.E.2d 917, 920 (Ill. App. Ct. 1993), appeal denied,
631 N.E.2d 708 (Ill. 1994); Mack-Manley v. Manley, 138 P.3d 525, 531 (Nev.
2006); Turner v. Turner, 689 N.Y.S.2d 269, 270 (App. Div. 1999).
In Beekman v. Beekman, 645 N.E.2d 1332, 1336 (Ohio Ct. App. 1994),
the court reasoned:
Although a court grants one parent custody and the other
visitation, the children need to know that they are loved by both
parents regardless of the antagonism the parents might feel for
each other. It is the duty of each parent to foster and encourage
the child’s love and respect for the other parent, and the failure
from that duty is as harmful to the child as is the failure to provide
food, clothing, or shelter. Perhaps it is more harmful because no
matter how well fed or well clothed, a child cannot be happy if he
or she feels unloved by one parent.
When a court makes a custodial decision, it makes a
presumption that the circumstances are such that the residential
parent will promote both maternal and paternal affection. The
residential parent implicitly agrees to foster such affection, not out
of any good feeling toward the nonresidential parent, but out of the
need of the child for both parent’s love. Where the evidence shows
that after the initial decree the residential parent is not living up to
the court’s presumption and is attempting to poison the
relationship between the ex-spouse and the child, this is a change
of circumstances that warrants a modification of the prior custody
12
decree. Unsubstantiated allegations of abuse are the worst kind of
poisoning of the relationship.
The trial court’s order in the case before us does not cite RSA chapter
461-A, nor does it mention the application of the statutory factors to the specific
facts before it. There is no clear indication in the court’s order whether it
considered “[t]he ability and disposition of each parent to foster a positive
relationship . . . with the other parent,” RSA 461-A:6, I(e), “[t]he support of each
parent for the child’s contact with the other parent,” RSA 461-A:6, I(f), or “[t]he
support of each parent for the child’s relationship with the other parent,” RSA
461-A:6, I(g), in determining the best interests of the children. See In the
Matter of Rossino & Rossino, 153 N.H. 282, 284 (2006) (trial court’s
determination as to custody apparently did not take into account actions of the
wife and impact of wife’s repeated lawsuits on husband’s ability to maintain
contact with his children).
Based upon the record before us, the negative ramifications of Todd’s
unfounded belief that Miller has sexually abused his children, and continues to
do so, are several and serious. First and foremost, the false allegations of abuse
significantly interfered with Miller’s visitation and deprived him of any
relationship with his children for years. Further, as a result of the false
allegations, both children have been subjected repeatedly to invasive physical
examinations, they have been interviewed by DCYF and law enforcement, they
have been evaluated by Dr. Ward, they have had two guardians ad litem and
they have twice participated in reunification therapy. These actions were not in
the children’s best interests. See Watson v. Poole, 495 S.E.2d 236, 239 (S.C.
Ct. App. 1997) (numerous physical examinations and counseling sessions for
unfounded sexual abuse are not in the child’s best interest); Ellis v. Ellis, 747
S.W.2d 711, 715 (Mo. Ct. App. 1988) (mother’s attempt to deprive child of
opportunity to know and love father by interfering with father’s visitation is not
in child’s best interest); Theisen v. Theisen, 405 N.W.2d 470, 474 (Minn. Ct.
App. 1987) (mother created and maintained atmosphere of unwarranted
suspicion and accusation regarding conduct of father toward children resulting
in psychological damage); C.J.L. v. M.W.B., 879 So. 2d 1169, 1178 (Ala. Civ.
App. 2003) (not in child’s best interests to be raised by a mother so bitterly
opposed to child’s father).
Despite Todd’s admissions that she does not know whether any of the
alleged incidents actually occurred, that she has no evidence that Miller has
done anything wrong, and that she may not believe the allegations herself, there
is no indication in the record that Todd’s conduct of pursuing unfounded
allegations of sexual abuse will cease. See Theisen, 405 N.W.2d at 472
(mother’s repeated attempts to alienate the children from their father and her
pattern of conduct, having existed over the years, is unlikely to change); cf.
Renauld, 721 A.2d at 467-68 (mother’s reports of alleged sexual and physical
13
abuse of son by father, although unsubstantiated, were wholly reasonable and
her actions were transitory, unlikely to be repeated, and subject to cure).
The trial court awarded custody to Todd primarily because the children
have spent the majority of their lives with her and that is where they are most
comfortable. However, it was because of the unfounded allegations of sexual
abuse that Miller was denied any contact with his children for over two years
and had little opportunity to establish a home life with them between 2004 and
2009. This raises the question whether Todd has benefitted from her
misbehavior. In Begins v. Begins, 721 A.2d 469, 470-71 (Vt. 1998), the
children’s relationship with their mother deteriorated following the parents’
separation due to the fact that the father unfairly blamed her for the parties’
marital problems and made disparaging remarks about her lifestyle. The trial
court concluded that the boys’ hostility toward their mother, encouraged and
fueled by their father, precluded an award of custody to mother. Id. at 471.
Although the court found that father did not “deserve to win custody,” it
concluded that it had no choice but to award custody to him. Id. (quotations
omitted). The Vermont Supreme Court rejected such reasoning. Id. at 472. As
the court stated:
Although obviously well intended, the court’s decision effectively
condoned a parent’s willful alienation of a child from the other
parent. Its ruling sends the unacceptable message that others
might, with impunity, engage in similar misconduct. Left
undisturbed, the court’s decision would nullify the principle that
the best interests of the child are furthered through a healthy and
loving relationship with both parents.
Id.; see Mack-Manley, 138 P.3d at 528 (trial court found children’s best
interests not served by ignoring mother’s unsubstantiated child abuse and
neglect allegations); Young, 628 N.Y.S.2d at 963 (trial court’s decision
noticeably silent as to mother’s false allegations and it was clear the court failed
to consider evidence that mother willfully interfered with father’s relationship
with the children).
Dr. Ward’s report, characterized by the master as “thorough and
extraordinarily perceptive,” contains several conclusions particularly relevant to
Todd’s inability to foster a positive relationship with Miller and to support the
children’s contact with him. These include her conclusions that Todd caused
Laurel to believe that she has been sexually abused by her father, that it is
likely that Todd influenced her children with her negative beliefs and did not
protect the children from her feelings, that Todd’s parents have “wholly and
adamantly” accepted that Miller is a pervasive negative influence on the
children, and that Todd’s mother is active in helping her daughter prove that
Miller sexually abused the children.
14
We conclude that the award of parental rights and responsibilities must
be vacated and the case remanded for reconsideration in light of this opinion.
On remand, the trial court must consider the factors set forth in RSA 461-A:6,
I(e)-(g) in determining the children’s best interests in this case. Also, the court
should consider the applicability of the recent amendment to RSA 461-A:6, IV
(Supp. 2010). It is within the trial court’s discretion to take into consideration
any additional circumstances that may have occurred while this appeal was
pending.
The second issue Miller raises on appeal is whether the trial court erred
in not providing him a timely opportunity to view videotaped interviews
conducted by the Child Advocacy Center in Portsmouth with his daughter
Laurel. However, Miller’s attorney conceded at oral argument that this issue is
moot. Accordingly, we need not address it further.
The final issue raised is whether Supreme Court Rule 3 is
unconstitutional because it provides differing treatment to married and
unmarried parents with respect to issues involving children.
Supreme Court Rule 3 provides in part:
“Mandatory appeal”: A mandatory appeal shall be accepted by the
supreme court for review on the merits. A mandatory appeal is an
appeal filed by the State pursuant to RSA 606:10, or an appeal
from a final decision on the merits issued by a superior court,
district court, probate court, or family division court, that is in
compliance with these rules. Provided, however, that the following
appeals are NOT mandatory appeals:
. . .
(9) an appeal from a final decision on the merits issued in, or
arising out of, a domestic relations matter filed under RSA Title
XLIII (RSA chapters 457 to 461-A); provided, however, that an
appeal from a final divorce decree or decree of legal separation
shall be a mandatory appeal.
Having exercised our discretion and accepted this appeal, we hold that
the question concerning the constitutionality of Rule 3 as applied to this case is
moot. Any consideration regarding amending Rule 3 should be accomplished in
accordance with the rule-making procedures set forth in Supreme Court Rule
51, thereby providing the public, the bench and the bar an opportunity to offer
comments and suggestions.
Vacated and remanded.
DALIANIS, C.J., and DUGGAN and CONBOY, JJ., concurred.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Great Decision

Justice Robert A. Ross

Decided: May 25; 203699-02

The continuing jurisdiction of the Supreme Court to modify or annul its custody and visitation judgments and orders, is set forth in Domestic Relations Law §240. Such authority is similarly provided to the Family Court pursuant to Family Court Act §467. In post judgment proceedings regarding a modification of custody and visitation, the standard is the "best interest of the child," when all of the applicable factors are considered. See, Friederwitzer v. Friederwitzer, 55 NY2d 89.

Parental access, commonly referred to as "visitation," is an important right of the non-custodial parent and the child. See, Weiss v. Weiss, 52 NY2d 170. In a scenario where one parent is demonstrated to have interfered with the custodial rights of a parent, a number of mechanisms exist [see, Scheinkman, New York Law of Domestic Relations, Second Edition, §23.14] to aid in the enforcement of custody orders and judgments, including:

1. Criminal Sanctions, pursuant to Penal Law §135.45 and 135.50;

2. Suspension of alimony or maintenance, pursuant to Judiciary Law 750,753;

3. Tort action for custodial interference;

4. Orders of Protection, pursuant to Domestic Relations Law §240.

While the most factually apparent ground to change existing custody arrangements involves physical danger, the act of alienating a child against a parent presents a nefarious form of conduct that must be met with careful consideration and immediate, comprehensive remediation by a Court (see, Zafran v. Zafran, 306 AD2d 468; Lew v. Sobel, 46 AD3d 893). A change in custody should not be permitted solely as a means for punishing a recalcitrant parent (see, Lew v. Sobel, supra), but always requires due consideration of all of the other custodial factors. See, Robert T.F. v. Rosemary F., 148 AD2d 449.

While mindful of the consequential future effect of this determination (see, Lauer v. City of New York, 95 NY2d 95, 100), inasmuch as a Court's finding of willful interference "per se raises a strong probability that the custodial parent is unfit" (see, Young v. Young, supra; Glenn v. Glenn, supra), when a pattern of alienation by the custodial parent is proven in any prior proceeding, that alienating conduct must [emphasis added] be considered and addressed by the Court in any subsequent proceeding involving custody/parental access. See, Audobon v. Audobon, 138 AD2d 658; Martin R.G. v. Ofelio G.O., 24 AD3d 305. Also, see CPLR §4213[b]; Robert T.F. v. Rosemarie F., 148 AD2d 449.

The doctrine of res judicata bars the issue of whether alienation occurred in the subsequent change of custody hearing ordered herein. See, O' bdoherty@chat.nyc.amlaw.corp Brian v. City of Syracuse, 54 NY2d 353, 357; Matter of Waldman v. Waldman, 47 AD3d 638; Braunstein v. Braunstein, 114 AD2d 46, 53; Town of New Windsor v. New Windsor Volunteer Ambulance Corps, Inc., 16 AD3d 403. Considering that parental alienation of a child from the other parent has been determined to be "an act inconsistent with the best interest of the child (Bobinson v. Bobinson, 9 AD3d 441; Stern v. Stern, 304 AD2d 649; Zafran v. Zafran, 28 AD3d 753; Zeis v. Slater, 57 AD3d 793), and that it has been proven in this contempt proceeding - - the "strong likelihood of unfitness" becomes a "factor" that must be considered in the change of custody hearing ordered herein.

Protraction or delay in parental alienation cases often serve to reinforce the offending conduct and potentially undermine any remediation that a court could fashion with appropriate therapy, parent coordination, and/or, a change in custody. See, Steinberger, Father? What Father? Parental Alienation And Its Effect on Children, NYSBA Family Law Review, Spring 2006; Johnston, J.R., Children of Divorce Who Reject a Parent And Refuse Visitation: Recent Research & Social Policy Implications for the Alienated Child, 38 Fam. L.Q. 757, 768-769. Under the circumstances of this case, this Court's finding of a willful violation of an existing order of custody in the form of parental alienation requires a prompt evidentiary hearing to determine whether the children's best interests, under the totality of the circumstances, warrant modification of the previously entered custody order. See, Friederwitzer v. Friederwitzer, 55 NY2d 89; Corigliano v. Corigliano, 297 AD2d 328; Martin R.G. v. Ofelio G.O., 24 AD3d 305; Carlin v. Carlin, 52 AD3d 559.

PROCEDURAL HISTORY

By Order to Show Cause dated December 14, 2007, defendant sought an order to have the plaintiff held in contempt for her willful and deliberate failure to comply with the Stipulation of Settlement, dated October 30, 2003, in that she allegedly interfered with his right to frequent and regular visitation with and telephone access to the parties' children, D. and N.; and by alienating the children from the defendant through numerous acts of disparaging the defendant to the children. The Court granted defendant's motion by its Amended Decision and Order dated September 9, 2008, to the extent that a hearing was ordered. This contempt hearing was held before me on May 15, 21, July 13, 15, 16, August 3, 4, 5, 6, 17, 18, 19, September 17, 2009, January 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 19, February 3, and 22, 2010.

The parties' Stipulation of Settlement was incorporated but not merged into the parties' Judgment of Divorce (Stack, J.). Pursuant to the unequivocal terms of the Stipulation, she was prohibited from "alienating the children from the defendant, plac[ing] any obstacle in the way of the maintenance, love and affection of the children for the defendant," or to "hinder, impair or prevent the growth of a close relationship between the children and their parents, respectively, or cause others to do so." Moreover, in sharing joint legal custody of the children, she was specifically required to consult with the defendant regarding decisions affecting the children's education, health and religion. That Stipulation also clearly provided that each of the parties was to "exert every effort to maintain free access and unhampered contact," "to foster a feeling of affection," and not to "do anything which may estrange the children from [the defendant] or injure the children's opinion as to the Father which may hamper the free and natural development of the children's love and affection for the [Defendant]."

To sustain the defendant's application regarding contempt, he must demonstrate that the plaintiff has violated a clear and unequivocal court order which actually defeated, impaired, impeded or prejudiced the other party's rights (see, Great Neck v. Central, 65 AD2d 616) or were calculated to affect those rights (Stempler v. Stempler, 200 AD2d 733). The movant must meet this burden by clear and convincing evidence (Bulow v. Bulow, 121 AD2d 423). The Court may not hold a party in contempt where payment may be enforced by other enforcement procedures (Wiggins v. Wiggins, 121 Ad2d 534), unless such remedies would be an exercise in futility or ineffectual (Farkas v. Farkas, 209 AD2d 316). Upon a finding of contempt, the Court may impose a period of commitment to jail (Powers v. Powers, 86 NY2d 63) or fine, or both.

In this instance, a lawful court order, in the form of a Judgment of Divorce incorporating the parties' stipulation of settlement, was in effect. The plaintiff was shown to have actual knowledge of its terms. Ottomanelli v. Ottomanelli, 17 AD3d 647; Freihofner v. Freihofner, 39 AD3d 465; Kawar v. Kawar, 231 AD2d 681, 682. This order of parental access was not only in effect before and during the hearing, but unsuccessful efforts were made during the course of the hearing to utilize counseling and parenting coordination to remediate the alienating conduct of the plaintiff. See, Lew v. Sobel, 46 AD3d 893. See, also, Judiciary Law §753; Massimi v. Massimi, 56 AD3d 624.

CONTEMPT

The Court's findings here were based, in part, upon an assessment of the credibility of the witnesses and their character, temperament and sincerity. Matter of Carl J.B. v. Dorothy T., 186 AD2d 736; see, also, Klat v. Klat, 176 AD2d 922; Leistner v. Leistner, 137 AD2d 499. I have also considered the extensive post-hearing submissions of each of the parties and the attorney for the children.

Here, the defendant's burden of proof in this matter was met so overwhelmingly, as to exceed the burden of proof required (see, Bulow, supra). Instead, it was proven "beyond a reasonable doubt" [cf., Rubackin v. Rubackin, 62 AD3d 11]. The acts perpetrated by the plaintiff were not only in willful violation of the Stipulation of Settlement, as incorporated into the Judgment of Divorce, but such as to demonstrate a continuing and calculated effort to violate the parental access of the defendant to the infant issue. The movant here demonstrated that the plaintiff violated a clear and unequivocal Court order, thereby prejudicing his rights. See, Judiciary Law §753[A][3]; Vujovic v. Vujovic, 16 AD3d 490. The specific findings of fact are detailed herein, and considering the extent, nature, and continuing pattern of alienation perpetrated by the plaintiff, it is clear that plaintiff's conduct was calculated to and did, in fact, impair, impede or prejudice the rights and remedies of the defendant herein. See, Silverman v. Silverman, N.Y.L.J., 11-22-95, p. 26, col. 1; McCain v. Dinkins, 84 NY2d 216; Hoglund v. Hoglund, 234 AD2d 794.

FACTUAL FINDINGS ANDINSTANCES OF ALIENATION

Plaintiff intentionally scheduled their child's (N.'s) birthday party on a Sunday afternoon during defendant's weekend visitation, and then refused to permit defendant to attend. She demanded that N. be returned home early, in order to "prepare" for her party, but D., the other child, was enjoying the time with her father and wished to remain with him until the party began. Plaintiff castigated N. for "daring" to invite her father to take a picture of her outside her party. According to the plaintiff, "this doesn't work for me!" Plaintiff threatened to cancel N.'s party, and warned her that her sister, too, would be punished "big time" for wanting to spend time with her father. Plaintiff's taped temper tantrum, offered into evidence, vividly detailed one instance of how D. and N. have been made to understand that enjoying time with their father will be met with their mother's wrath and threat of punishment.

Plaintiff conceded that when she completed N.'s registration card for XXX., she wrote that defendant is "not authorized to take them. I have custody. Please call me." At trial, she claimed to fear that defendant would retrieve the girls directly from school. However, she later admitted that defendant had never even attempted to pick them up at school. Her testimony at trial sharply contradicted her sworn affidavit dated January 23, 2008, in which she stated that "the defendant consistently attempts to pick up the girls unannounced from their schools and activities, which disrupts not only the girls, but those in charge of the aforementioned." In her sworn affidavit, plaintiff claimed that she completed the registration card because defendant sought to attend the end of D.'s art class and then had the audacity to drive his daughter home. The art class "incident" occurred well after the registration card was completed by the plaintiff. Moreover, nothing in the parties' agreement prohibits the defendant from visiting the children at extra-curricular events or from driving them to or from such events. In point of fact, there was no dispute that D.'s Friday art class in Huntington ended as defendant's alternate weekend visitation commenced.

Plaintiff wrote to Dr. L.1 (then the XXX. principal) and Ms. T. (N.'s fifth grade teacher), demanding that they restrict their conversations with the defendant to N.'s academics, as plaintiff is "solely responsible for her academic progress and emotional well being. Notwithstanding the nature of their joint legal custody plaintiff insisted before me that, "I have custody, he has visitation."

The plaintiff made/completed an application for admission to XXX on behalf of N. in October, 2007. On the application, she checked the box "Mother has custody," rather than the box directly below which says "Joint custody." She identified her new husband, R. L., as N.'s "parent/guardian," and she failed to mention the defendant. During cross examination, plaintiff insisted that she only omitted reference to the defendant for fear that his financial circumstances would adversely impact N.'s chances for acceptance. However, no financial information was requested anywhere on the application. Moreover, plaintiff acknowledged that none was required until after an applicant was invited to attend.

By applying to XXX without defendant's knowledge - - but with N. completely involved in the process, plaintiff orchestrated the decision to be made, as well as alienating the child. Had the defendant not consented to N.'s attendance at XXX, after the fact, N. would be angry with him for purportedly interfering with the enrollment, even if defendant's objections to a private school placement were sound. In no event was he consulted as to this educational decision.

When asked how she might handle things differently now, plaintiff did not indicate that she would first discuss the possibility of a private school with the defendant, as she is obligated to do pursuant to the Stipulation.

In a similar pattern of being advised "after the fact," defendant testified that there were countless times when plaintiff deliberately scheduled theater tickets, family events and social activities for the girls during his visitation, and he was compelled to consent or risk disappointing the girls. These occurrences continued even during the time span of proceedings before me.

Plaintiff was forced to concede at trial that the defendant was prevented from enjoying his visitation rights after he returned with the girls from his niece's Bat Mitzvah until this Court granted defendant's emergency application to compel the plaintiff to allow the defendant to take D. and N. for the ski trip he had scheduled for his half of the Christmas recess. Plaintiff insisted that it was D. and N. who refused to see their father, because they were angry with the 'choices" he had made on their behalf, including his objection to N. attending XXX. Defendant was made aware of the children's position because they parroted their mother's demands on several occasions. D. even read from a script during the brief dinners he was permitted. As plaintiff wrote in one e-mail when she was describing her role with respect to the children: "I am in charge here, not them. What I [sic] say goes. They may bring their shoes. You are responsible for the rest. End of story."

In vivid testimony, the defendant recalled how the plaintiff willfully prevented him from exercising his rights to visitation with the children from November 4, 2007 through December 21, 2007. I observed the plaintiff smirk in the courtroom as defendant emotionally related how he was deprived of spending Hanukkah with his children, and was relegated to lighting a menorah and watching his daughters open their grandparents' presents in the back of his truck at the base of plaintiff's driveway on a December evening.

The fact that the children were as angry as they were with the defendant in November and December, 2007, demonstrates, in my view, that efforts to alienate the children and their father were seemingly effective. The children demanded that defendant meet "their" demands before they would permit him to visit with them again. They demanded that defendant permit N. to attend F. A., that he withdraw his objection to their participation in therapy with their mother's therapist, and that he pay for 75% of D.'s Bat Mitzvah but limit his invitations to a handful of guests and have no role in the planning of the event. Plaintiff's contention that she had no involvement in these children's "demands" was belied by the very fact that the children had intimate knowledge of their mother's position on all of these issues. The children, in effect, were evolved into plaintiff's sub-agents and negotiators, having specific details of the financial demands of the plaintiff, and information as to the marital agreement.

The mother alluded to the ambivalence of the children in seeing the defendant. But such abrogation to the children's wishes, under these circumstances, was in violation of the agreement. It was wholly improper for the mother to adhere to the children's wishes to forego visitation with their father (see, Matter of Hughes v. Wiegman, 150 AD2d 449).

Plaintiff half-heartedly testified that she wants the children to have a relationship with the defendant. Her view of the defendant's role was a numbing, desired nominality, evident by her actions that were without any semblance of involvement by the defendant - - notwithstanding the clear joint custodial provisions. At critical points in the cross-examination, plaintiff was noticeably off balance - - hesitating and defensive - - with answers that dovetailed to either narcissism, or, a poor grasp of the affects of her conduct. The plaintiff was dispassionate, sullen, and passively resistant to the alienating efforts of the plaintiff. The continued litany of instances of alienating conduct, turned repression of the defendant's joint custodial arrangement into farce. The endurance in recounting instance upon instance of alienating conduct herein, was as daunting as it was indefensible.

Plaintiff relegated the defendant to waiting endlessly at the bottom of her long driveway. When defendant drove up her driveway on October 26, 2007, so that the children would not have to walk down with their heavy bags in a torrential rain, plaintiff ran down the driveway where she had left her car, drove up the driveway and blocked defendant's vehicle. The children watched as the police listened to their mother angrily demand that their father be arrested and, when the police refused, heard their mother scream that she is a taxpayer and the police work for her. She frequently disparaged the defendant in the presence of the children, calling him a "deadbeat," "loser," "scumbag," and "f——-g asshole." On one particular occasion, while holding N. and D. in her arms, plaintiff said to the defendant, "We all hope you die from cancer." Just this past summer, when defendant insisted that D. retrieve her clothes from plaintiff's home in preparation for their visit to N. on her camp visiting day, plaintiff urged to defendant that "Judge Ross will not be around forever, d___." Before the beginning of each of defendant's vacations with the children, the plaintiff staged prolonged and tearful farewells at the base of the driveway, during which plaintiff assured the children that they will return to "their family soon," and if "things get too bad, they can always tell Daddy to bring them home."

The crescendo of the plaintiff's conduct involved accusations of sexual abuse. Plaintiff falsely accused defendant of sexual misconduct in June, 2008, shortly after defendant moved to Huntington and the children's friends were enjoying play dates at defendant's home. Plaintiff testified that D. shared that she was uncomfortable when the defendant tickles her, and conceded that she knew there was nothing "sexual" involved. Undaunted by the lack of any genuine concern for D.'s safety, plaintiff pursued a campaign to report the defendant to Child Protective Services. To facilitate this, she spoke with W. M, the psychologist at the school D. attended. Plaintiff also "encouraged" D. to advise Dr. C. (the chidren's pediatrician) that defendant inappropriately touched her - - but he saw no signs of abuse. Plaintiff also advised Dr. A., Ms. M., Dr. R. (the children's prior psychologist) and family friends of the allegations and, ultimately, the Suffolk County Department of Social Services opened a file on June 3, 2008, and began an investigation.

According to the Case Narrative contained in the New York State Case Registry, a complaint was made that "On a regular basis, father inappropriately fondles 13 year old D.'s breasts. This makes D. feel very uncomfortable. Last Sunday, Father hit D. on the breast for unknown reason… " When the caseworker and Suffolk County detectives interviewed D. on June 3, 2008, she reported only that her father tickles her on her neck and under her arms, and she categorically denied her father ever fondled her breasts. She admitted that her father was not attempting to make her uncomfortable, but that he still regards her to be a tomboy. The detectives closed their investigation.

Thereafter, and significantly, when the CPS caseworker met with plaintiff on August 19, 2008, plaintiff was quick to state that her ex-husband "did it again." Plaintiff claimed that the defendant hugged D. too hard. According to the caseworker's notes, the caseworker repeatedly cautioned the plaintiff not to bring the children into her disputes with the defendant. This warning was contained in CPS records.

Although unfounded child abuse reports are required to be sealed (see, Social Services Law §422[5]), such reports may be introduced into evidence,"by the subject of the report where such subject… is a plaintiff or petitioner in a civil action or proceeding alleging the false reporting of child abuse or maltreatment" (Social Services Law §422[5][b][1]). Allegations that defendant had injured the child were found to be baseless and, by making such allegations, plaintiff needlessly subjected the child to an investigation by Child Protective Services, placing her own interests above those of the child. This report was not made in "good faith" - - rather, the investigating agency warned the mother not to re-utilize the allegations and her children in her custodial litigation with the defendant.

The concern of a pending contempt proceeding did not affect the plaintiff's conduct. For example, knowing that defendant had parenting access with D. on July 3, 2009, plaintiff invited D.'s close friend, C. C., to a country club for a fireworks display and advised D. of this invitation. She then instructed D. to tell her father she was invited to a friend's party on that date. Another example occurred on June 13, 2009, when plaintiff quietly escorted D. from Alice Tulley Hall during the intermission, ignoring the instructions from the G. Y. Orchestra staff that everyone remain until the conclusion of the entire program. Plaintiff purported she was unaware that defendant attended this special program in Lincoln Center. Defendant, who was in attendance at the concert, was left waiting at the stage door with flowers for D. Plaintiff ignored his text messages questioning where his daughter was. The plaintiff, when confronted with the notion that she may have precipitously ushered her daughter away before her father was able to give her flowers, retorted to the Court that "it was not her responsibility to make plans for T."

The evidence before me demonstrates a pattern of willful and calculated violations of the clear and express dictates of the parties' Stipulation of Settlement, incorporated but not merged into their Judgment of Divorce. The extensive record is replete with instances of attempts to undermine the relationship between the children and their father and replace him with her new husband, manipulation of defendant's parenting access, utter and unfettered vilification of the defendant to the children, false reporting of sexual misconduct without any semblance of "good faith," and her imposition upon the children to fear her tirades and punishment if they embrace the relationship they want to have with their father. The unfortunate history here also reflects the plaintiff's hiring and firing of three different counsel, expressed disdain towards the children's attorney, and utter disregard for the authority of the Court.

CHANGE OF CUSTODYPROCEEDING TO BE HELD

There was no request in the moving papers for a change of custody. During the course of the extensive hearing held before me, application was made by the defendant for an immediate change of custody. It is improper for a trial court to take action and grant relief without appropriate notice to one of the parties affected. Such notice during the course of the proceeding for undemanded relief does not constitute adequate notice, and could serve to prejudice the plaintiff. Siegel Practice Commentary, McKinney's Consol. Law of New York, Book 7B, CPLR 3017.6. The Court did not grant the relief for a change in custody in the course of the hearing for contempt. However, Domestic Relations Law §240 provides that upon an application, the Court may modify a previous direction with respect to the right of visitation "after such notice to the other party… .and given in such manner as the Court shall direct." See, Domestic Relations Law §240. The request for a change in custody during the course of the contempt hearing clearly has provided adequate notice by which to schedule a hearing. The request during the hearing to amend the motion to conform to the evidence presented at this hearing, is now granted, to the extent of ordering a prompt hearing on a modification of custody. Heintz v. Heintz, 28 AD3d 1154; cf. Sipos v. Kelly, 66 AD2d 1022. See, also, Fisk v. Fisk, 274 AD2d 691.

The parties are to appear before me on June 4, 2010 to be heard on selection of a forensic examiner and to be heard on allocation of fees. See, Uniform Rules §202.7; also see, Ragone v. Ragone, 62 AD3d 772; Domestic Relations Law §237(d)(4). The scheduling of the modification of custody hearing will be facilitated at that time.

THE COURT'S ROLE INADDRESSING ALIENATION

Differing "alienation" theories promoted by many public advocacy groups, as well as psychological and legal communities, have differing scientific and empirical foundations. However, interference with the non-custodial parent's relationship with a child has always been considered in the context of a "parent's ability to encourage the relationship between the non-custodial parent and a child," a factor to be considered by the Court in custody and visitation/parental access determinations. See, Eschbach v. Eschbach, supra. Our Appellate Courts recognize such factor, as they have determined that the "interference with the non-custodial parent and child's relationship is an act so inconsistent with the best interests of a child, as to, per se, raise a strong probability that the offending party is unfit to act as a custodial parent." See, Leistner v. Leistner, 137 AD2d 499; Finn v. Finn, 176 AD2d 1132, 1133, quoting Entwistle v. Entwistle, 61 AD2d 380, 384-385, appeal dismissed 44 NY2d 851; Matter of Krebsbach v. Gallagher, 181 AD2d 363, 366; Gago v. Acevedo, 214 AD2d 565; Matter of Turner v. Turner, 260 AD2d 953, 954; Zeiz v. Slater, 57 AD2d 793.

Where, as in the instant case, there is a finding of a willful violation of a court order demonstrated by a deliberate interference with a non-custodial parent's right to visitation/parental access, the IAS Court, as a general rule, must schedule an evidentiary hearing before making any modification of custody. See, Glenn v. Glenn, 262 AD2d 885. See, also, Entwistle v. Entwistle, 61 AD2d 380; Young v. Young, 212 AD2d 114; Matter of LeBlanc v. Morrison, 288 AD2d 768, 770, quoting Matter of Markey v. Bederian, 274 AD2d 816; Matter of David WW v. Lauren QQ, 42 AD3d 685; Goldstein v. Goldstein, 2009 N.Y. Slip Op. 08995 [Dec. 1, 2009].

SENTENCE

An imposition of sentence upon a finding of contempt should contain a language permitting the contemnor an opportunity to purge. See, Heyn v. Burr, 19 AD3d 896; Stempler v. Stempler, 200 AD2d 733; Cooper v. Cooper, 21 AD3d 869. Under the circumstances here, where determination is made of a past violation of an order of parental access/joint custody, there can be no purge since it is no longer within the plaintiff's power to perform the act. See, Kruszczynski v. Charlap, 124 AD2d 1073; Young v. Young, 129 AD2d 794. Moreover, the use of remedial intervention - - parenting coordination/counseling - - during the course of the trial was unsuccessful, and even if re-utilized here, the Court cannot condition release from imprisonment upon future compliance. See, Martinez v. D.S.S., 44 AD3d 945.

Accordingly, and after careful consideration of the circumstances of the nature and extent of the multiple instances of violation of the court order, the plaintiff is sentenced to a period of incarceration for six weekends, to be served on the first and third weekends of each month for the months of June, July and August, 2010. Prior to these weekends of the plaintiff's incarceration, she shall transport the children to the defendant's home to assure their continued care and well being. See, Marallo v. Marallo, 128 AD2d 710; Gordon v. Janover, 238 AD2d 545; Munz v. Munz, 242 AD2d 789; Kruszczynski v. Charlap, supra; Barcham-Reichman v. Reichman, 250 AD2d 609.

COUNSEL FEES

Given the finding of a willful violation of the Judgment of this Court (Stack, J.) Dated March 26, 2004 [erroneously dated as 2003], and given the fees requested ($134,352.92 for defendant's counsel, $11,287.50 for Attorney for the Children's fees, and $19,833.32 for Parenting Coordinator fees, shall be the object of a hearing to be held before me on June 4, 2010. While the parties consented to such determination on submission, the issues presented lend themselves to the Court's assessment of the parties' finances. To facilitate a complete record, a hearing is ordered herewith. See, Judiciary Law §773; Gordon v. Janover, supra.

On the Court's own motion, this decision and order will be stayed until June 4, 2010 to afford the plaintiff an opportunity to seek Appellate Review, if so advised, and it is

ORDERED, that the plaintiff, L. R., is adjudged to be in civil contempt of the Judgment of Divorce dated March 26, 2004; and it is further

ORDERED, that the parties and their counsel shall appear before me for sentencing on June 4, 2010 at 9:30 a.m., which date may not be adjourned without written order of this Court; and it is further

ORDERED, that the plaintiff, L. R., is sentenced to a period of six weekends imprisonment in the Nassau County Correctional Facility, pursuant to the schedule set forth herein; and it is further

ORDERED, that this order and execution of this sentence shall be stayed until June 4, 2010; and it is further

ORDERED, that this decision shall be deemed an order and/or warrant of commitment pursuant to and in accordance with Judiciary Law §772; and it is further

ORDERED, that a copy of this Decision and Order shall be served upon the Sheriff of Nassau County and/or the Warden of the Nassau County Correctional Facility to facilitate the schedule of weekend incarceration, to be imposed as follows:

Friday, June 11, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday, June 13, 2010 at 6:00 p.m.;

Friday, June 25, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 6:00 p.m.;

Friday, July 9, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday, July 11, 2010 at 6:00 p.m.;

Friday, July 23, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday, July 25, 2010 at 6:00 p.m.;

Friday, August 6, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday, August 8, 2010 at 6:00 p.m.;

Friday, August 20, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday, August 22, 2010 at 6:00 p.m;

and it is further

ORDERED, that this Court finds that the conduct of the plaintiff was calculated to, or actually did, defeat, impair or prejudice the defendant's rights or remedies.

This constitutes the decision and order of this Court.

1. This witness retired from his position, and returned to New York to testify at this hearing.

Decision of the Day

Family Law

Lauren R. v. Ted R.

203699-02



Supreme Court, Nassau County

Justice Robert A. Ross

Decided: May 25