Don't know if this will help anyone or not...but, the misunderstandings are what cost me my children. In any case, it's what happened to me and this was my statement to the court... I tried, but still don't know if I did right... I'm not feeling real well so for now this is the best I can do... Happy new year everyone...
David’s ORAL STATEMENT TO THE COURT: MAY 24, 1993
A family decides to go camping in a valley surrounded by mountains. The man's wife takes one of her best friends who happens to have a master's degree in psychology. When they arrive at the spot where they plan to camp, the husband builds a fire, then he heads off to a nearby stream to catch fish for their dinner while the rest finish setting up camp.
A while later he returns and, to his distress, finds his wife, her friend, and the children feeding hunks of bread to a bear. Even worse, he realizes his wife is down to the last piece of bread. And he knows the bear won't understand when all the bread is gone. Just as he also knows that bears, by their very nature, are unpredictable and dangerous.
Seeing no other course of action, the husband runs to the fire, reaches into the burning blaze, grabs a red hot, flaming log, and runs hollering and swinging the blazing log after the bear. To all the world it appears the man fully intends to take on a 500 pound bear with only his bare hands and a piece of firewood. But, of course, just as the man had expected, or at least had hoped, the bear turns tail and runs off into the woods. The man, angry now, admonishes his wife for what he considered a stupid act, then shrugs off the adventure and asks her to help him with his burned hand.
But the man's wife seems agitated. Actually, she's baffled. What did she do wrong? Nothing, from her point of view. Certainly it wasn't bad enough for him to be so adamant and forceful with her. And why in the world did he run off such a pretty animal? It didn't act dangerous. All it was doing was eating bread.
Well, the husband doesn't pay a lot of attention to her since he knows she has led a somewhat sheltered and protected life, especially when compared to his. He knows she often see things differently than he does. She simply didn't realize the potential peril, nor how badly it had scared him that his family was in such jeopardy.
As the wife is cleaning and bandaging his hand, she becomes even more bewildered. Looking at his terribly burned hand, she can't believe what she's hearing. "Don't worry, sweetheart," he tells her. "It's okay. It'll heal in a week or so. It smarts a little, but it's no big deal."
In reality, the husband is on the verge of tears from the pain. Fact is, all he wants to do is get away from everyone so he can groan and whimper by himself. It's not "manly" to whine or cry in front of others. Besides, he also knows from all his past experiences with pain, that pain is really a state of mind and can be controlled. After all, he'd survived three years of hospital time after being shot, stabbed, and blown up during Viet Nam, hadn't he?
But his wife has never seen anything like this. Neither has his wife's friend. What kind of a man could have this kind of control over himself they wonder? It's almost scary.
Well, again the husband doesn't say much because he knows his wife is particularly sensitive and approaches mostly everything in their personal life on an emotional level. And his wife's friend, even though an experienced psychologist, has never been around the military. Further, she doesn't have much experience with men anyway since she treats mostly women and children. She simply can't comprehend his military training or the fires he's already walked through in his lifetime.
Besides, he knows that feeling sorry for himself is not going to make the pain go away or help his hand heal any quicker. And because of his strong personality and past experiences, he is particularly analytical and approaches nearly everything with logic, even his intimate life. So he gives it no more thought.
Later, the husband, wife, and her friend are sitting around the fire talking and drinking coffee while the kids are running around playing in camp. The kids, being kids, aren't paying particular attention to what they're doing and step on their Dad's $300.00 fishing rod and break it. Certainly, he understands these are children, and, by the very nature of children, don't always pay attention to what they're doing. Just as he knows that children don't always realize the consequences of their actions.
But he also recognizes that children learn to pay attention by being corrected when they don't. And too, he realizes that his children in particular have some learning problems and don't learn in a manner that most consider the "normal" way. So he turns to the children and says: "You guys remember what I did to that bear, don't you?" "Yes sir," they reply. "You want me to run you off into the woods like that?" "No sir," they answer. "Well then, pay attention to what you're doing." He then turns back to the fire and gives the situation no more thought.
After he finishes his coffee, he goes to see what he can do about repairing his fishing rod. His wife and her friend begin to talk among themselves. "That's incredible," the wife's friend says. "I've never seen anyone with that much control. He didn't even seem nervous after charging that bear. And his burned hand? That didn't seem to bother him at all." "Oh, he does stuff like that all the time," his wife tells her friend.
"In fact, a while back he was fishing in Nicaragua when a guerilla gunboat came along. Not wanting to be caught miles out in the jungle by a bunch of 17 year old machine gun toting kids while he was carrying his military ID card, he jumped out of the boat and ran into the jungle. To get back to the lodge in Costa Rica, he walked 25 miles through the jungle and swam across 4 shark infested rivers. He did this barefooted, wearing nothing but shorts and a T shirt. And nothing happened to him but the worst sunburn I've ever seen. It would have put anyone else in the hospital, but it took me 2 days to talk him into going to the doctor after he got back. Fact is, you can still see the scars on his legs."
"He's not afraid of anything, is he?" the wife's friend asks.
Actually, he has the same fears as anyone. In fact, he has a high regard for fear and considers it very important because he knows that being afraid can save your life. Just as he knows that letting fear take control can get you killed. And he's learned well from training and experience to understand and control his fear.
"Does he get mad?" the friend asks his wife. "Well, of course, just like anyone," the wife answers. "Boy, I wouldn't want him mad at me," the friend says. Now the wife is starting to wonder about her husband. After all, isn't her friend who happens to be a psychologist, wondering about him?
It so happens that the man's wife is one of the finest photographers and artists he's ever known. She's particularly creative since she has an especially vivid imagination. But, combine this with the fact that she's completely inexperienced with anything like her husband's background, and her imagination can nurture unrealistically. And her friend, although intelligent as well, has never had any experience with anyone like this man either, so her imagination begins to build too.
"Would he really run the children off into the woods?" the wife's friend asks. "No, of course not....Well, I don't think so....But...." the wife answers now wondering even more. The two women continue to talk, and the more they talk, the more their imaginations build, the more the concern grows. And the more a "mistaken picture" of this man becomes reality.
Soon, the wife and her friend have built themselves up to the point of near terror, of believing that this man could, and would, do anything. So, in fright the wife grabs up the kids and runs up the mountain while her friend jumps in her car and heads to town. "I've got to save the wife and kids," the friend says to herself.
Well, the man's confounded. He doesn't have a clue as to what they're afraid of, or even what's wrong. He knows that he'd never hurt anyone. He never has and never will. He knows full well what it's like to be hurt. Fact is, he can barely stand it when his wife and children are sick or hurt themselves. Besides, they saw that he had protected them from the bear. What more could he possibly do to prove that he loves them?
He decides he has two choices. First, he can run up the mountain after his wife and kids yelling all the way: "What's wrong sweetheart. What are you afraid of? Come back, talk to me, tell me the problem. I promise I won't hurt you."
But he knows his wife is particularly emotionally sensitive and doesn't always hear the same thing he and others do especially in a situation fraught with emotion. So if he does run after her, he knows she won't hear anything but a rustling in the bushes as he desperately tries to find them. And, in her panic to escape, she'll run further up the mountain, eventually crossing over the top into the next valley and will be gone forever.
His second choice is to stay by the campfire and hope she'll come back to him. And that's exactly what he does for he doesn't want to frighten her or the children any more.
Soon it gets dark, and cold, and a little scary up on the mountain. And sure enough, she looks down at the man still standing by the campfire and begins to wonder if maybe her imagination did get a little out of hand. "Maybe he's not so bad after all," she thinks. "I know he deeply loves me and the children and would do nearly anything for us. And, maybe after all this, we can talk more and better understand each other." So she picks up the kids and says: "Let's go back down and talk with your Dad. Maybe this is just a big misunderstanding and we can work it out."
But about this time, the wife's friend returns from town and she's brought help. She'd run around town telling everyone that a man who was "seriously potentially dangerous" had trapped his wife and children up on a mountain side.
Well, these people, who for all the world really believe they are protecting a mother and her children, gather in a circle around the campfire and begin throwing rocks at the man. The wife's friend, also believing with all her heart that she's helping save the woman and her children, gathers up a bunch of rocks and heads up the mountain. "Here's a bunch of rocks," she says handing them to the man's wife. "Throw them at him so he won't come up the mountain after you." The man's wife is really emotional by this time and she's having trouble making up her mind on about much of anything to do with her personal life. So the wife thinks: "My way doesn't seem to be working. And I sure don't want to spend the rest of my life on the side of this mountain. Maybe I should listen to someone else now. And, after all, my friend is a psychologist. And she says my husband is seriously, potentially dangerous." So her imagination rises to new levels and she begins throwing rocks, too.
Your honor, I've chosen to stand by the campfire and take the blows as they come. Of course I'm fully aware that the best defense is a good offense. But what would I look like now if I "attack" these people to defend myself, if I "charge" my wife and children to put a stop to this stoning. Of course I have rights, but if I try to protect myself now, I violate every principle I have, I destroy all that I believe in, I lose all that I love.
It's every man's dream to find a treasure in his lifetime. And I have found my treasure in a loving family a splendid woman, and three of the finest children anyone could ever want. But this wealth is being snatched from me because of misunderstandings and unfounded fears.
I'm being stoned unfairly. Stoned by honest people, true believers to be sure, but nevertheless, I'm being stoned unfairly. I'm not so naive as to believe that life is always fair, that righteousness always triumphs, that goodness always prevails. Just as I accept that no one ever said life was easy.
Actually, as I think back in history, this situation is not without precedent. Remember Salem, Massachusetts and the witch trials? Your honor, I'm the witch. And I now know full well how the witches of Salem must have felt as they were bound and burned the unheard appeals, the frustration, the fear.
Your honor, for the love of my wife and children, I simply cannot do anything to stop this. But, sir, you can. Thank you.
David Couch
